I can say that I truly do enjoy the company of others. But when times get tough or when I’m going through a bit of a rough or emotional patch, I tend to go inward and retreat. I prefer to reflect quietly on my own rather than surround myself with others. There isn’t anything wrong with this approach necessarily, but it’s good to remember that there are people out there who genuinely want to help — and it’s healthy to allow them to do that for me.

Let’s take last weekend, for example. I was meant to meet up with some women for a bushwalk. It had been in my diary for more than a month, and I’d been eagerly anticipating the outing. But the morning of the walk, I woke up in such a funk and just didn’t think I’d be able to shake it. My morning coffee and 6am gym session didn’t offer much relief and as the morning went on, I felt worse. I’d received some significant news a few days earlier, as well as some concerning news about two of our beloved pets. That, coupled with some technical difficulties I was experiencing with a project I’d been working on, had me feeling all the funky feels and I nearly bailed on the walk. I was feeling delicate and just didn’t think I’d have the energy to be social, particularly among a large group of people, several of whom I’d never met before. But a friend’s encouraging words and a deep desire for some fresh outdoor time saw me heading for the track, despite my inner introvert telling me to stay home. I ended up meeting and chatting with some wonderful women, connecting with friends, laughing heaps, enjoying the extra exercise, and feeling so much better!

The following day, I woke up feeling tired and worried about yet another trip to the vet. I was also feeling extremely ill-prepared for an event that I was speaking at later that day. All I really wanted to do was curl up on the lounge and cuddle my sick cat. But instead, I had to face the day. I mustered up all my energy and tried my best to put my positive pants on. I carpooled with two girlfriends to the event and proceeded to have a wonderful afternoon. Again, I was amazed at how energised I felt after spending several hours with a large group of women — many of whom I’d not previously met. I spoke with confidence, bonded with strangers, learned new things and came away feeling energised, encouraged and deeply connected to these women.

So what is it that had me finding energy in situations that would normally have me depleted and exhausted? Does it have anything to do with COVID and all the time I have subsequently spent at home alone? Has the pandemic somehow given me a surplus of energy to face the outside world? Is it that as I’m getting older, I have somehow outgrown my introverted nature? Or is it that I just needed a distraction to kick my funk to the curb?

Interestingly, a study conducted at my alma mater UCLA shows that in times of stress, women don’t just experience the drive toward fight or flight — they also release oxytocin. This surge in hormones can compel women to ‘tend and befriend’ e.g., protect their kids (or in my case, cats), but also connect with other women. As women tend and befriend, more oxytocin is released, which counters stress and produces a calming effect. What’s more interesting is that this calming effect doesn’t happen in men because testosterone, which men produce at high levels during times of stress, seem to reduce the effects of oxytocin, whereas oestrogen enhances it.

All these years that I’ve been staying home trying to regroup and recharge by myself may not have been what I actually needed. I may have actually found more benefit by hanging out with an awesome tribe of oxytocin-inducing women!

So, whether you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert or someone who sits mid-scale, be sure to make time for your girl squad. You may find it’s just what you need to recharge and thrive.

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